Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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