It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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