Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
