dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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