this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
