I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
