I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
