I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can you bring me the toilet please
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
