Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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