maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize