i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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