Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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