i think my tv is drunk
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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