You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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