I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
