If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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