I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
