$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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