i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
