I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
