And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
