Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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