I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
