This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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