I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
