so that wasnt chicken after all
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
