somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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