My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
