her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
