Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
