Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
