She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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