he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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