i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
