Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
