What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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