I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
