I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
