there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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