we have pet lesbian snakes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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