well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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