Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
