I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
