If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize