Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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