I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize