oh god the rape fog is back!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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