I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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