im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize