Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
