oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
