The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
