first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
