I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
