A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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