Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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