Bisexual people are plain selfish.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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