so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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