I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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