I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
