I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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