i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
