I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
