just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
