i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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