I wish I could teleport
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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