No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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