i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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