it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
