Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
