I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
