Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize