she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
