that's what penises do
they tell lies.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
