you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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