I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
